Researchers from the University of Georgia and the University of Alabama surveyed 2,323 parents of kids ages seven to 17 who were currently participating in some kind of private music lesson and Parents Carrie Underwood shares her 7-year-old son is starting to realize his mom is famous Family 'Bike buses' catch on as a cool way to commute to school. What are they? Moms Jamie Lee Curtis Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. Parents should encourage their children to think outside the box and be creative. 4. Continuously Harping About Mistakes Reason #1 - They don't want to overwhelm or worry you. Teens can be very intuitive, even when it seems like they aren't paying attention, and know when you're already at your limit. They don't want to add anything else to your plate, so they keep things inside or act them out in harmful ways. Reason #2 - They don't want you to fix it. The crime rate in America is back down to what it was in 1963, which means that most of today's parents grew up playing outside when it was more dangerous than it is today. And it hasn't Fast Money. We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful. And every aspect of being a parent has been more complicated and more fraught during the pandemic, with parents managing complex new assignments and anxious new decisions, all while handling the regular questions that come up in daily life with the children we love. Throughout the circus act of parenting, it’s important to focus on balancing priorities, juggling responsibilities and quickly flipping between the needs of your children, other family members and yourself. Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know whom or what to trust. Here, we’ll talk about how to help your child grow up to be a person you really like without losing yourself in the process. Your Parenting StyleGood news There is no one right way to raise a child. Research tells us that to raise a self-reliant child with high self-esteem, it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian. You want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you. You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent. All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance? As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges. Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life. More on Parenting StylesConquering the BasicsYour healthy attitude toward sleep, food and discipline will affect your children in the most important to Put a Baby to SleepRight from the beginning, babies vary tremendously in their sleep patterns. And parents, too, vary in terms of how they cope with interrupted nights. There are two general schools of thought around babies and sleep after those early months when they need nighttime feedings — soothe the baby to sleep or don’t — and many parents find themselves wavering back and forth. Those who believe in sleep training, including many sleep experts, would argue that in helping babies learn to fall asleep by themselves and soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake during the night, parents are helping them master vital skills for comfort and independence. Two techniques for this are Graduated extinction, in which babies are allowed to cry for short, prescribed intervals over the course of several nights. Bedtime fading, in which parents delay bedtime in 15-minute increments so the child becomes more and more tired. And many parents report that these strategies improve their children’s sleep patterns, as well as their own. But there are also parents who find the idea of letting a baby cry at night unduly harsh. Whatever you try, remember, some babies, no matter what you do, are not reliably good sleepers. Parents need to be aware of what sleep deprivation may be doing to them, to their level of functioning, and to their relationships, and take their own sleep needs seriously as well. So, ask for help when you need it, from your pediatrician or a trusted friend or family member. Bedtime For older children, the rules around sleep are clearer Turn off devices, read aloud at bedtime, and build rituals that help small children wind down and fall asleep. Establishing regular bedtime routines and consistent sleep patterns will be even more important as children grow older and are expected to be awake and alert during school hours; getting enough sleep on a regular basis and coming to school well-rested will help grade-school children’s academic performance and their social behavior as well. Keeping screens out of the bedroom and turned off during the hours before bed becomes more and more important as children grow — and it’s not a bad habit for adults, either. Even when education went remote during the pandemic, keeping children’s sleep schedules regular helped them stay on course. As your child hits adolescence, her body clock will shift so that she is “programmed” to stay up later and sleep later, often just as schools are demanding early starts. Again, good family “sleep hygiene,” especially around screens at bedtime, in the bedroom, and even in the bed, can help teenagers disconnect and get the sleep they need. By taking sleep seriously, as a vital component of health and happiness, parents are sending an important message to children at every About Sleep and Your ChildHow to Feed Your ChildThere’s nothing more basic to parenting than the act of feeding your child. But even while breast-feeding, there are decisions to be made. Yes, breast-feeding mothers should eat spicy food if they like it. No, they shouldn’t respond to all infant distress by nursing. Pediatricians currently recommend exclusive breast-feeding for the first six months, and then continuing to breast-feed as you introduce a range of solid foods. Breast-feeding mothers deserve support and consideration in society in general and in the workplace in particular, and they don’t always get it. And conversely, mothers are sometimes made to feel inadequate if breast-feeding is difficult, or if they can’t live up to those recommendations. You have to do what works for you and your family, and if exclusive breast-feeding doesn’t, any amount that you can do is good for your baby. As children grow, the choices and decisions multiply; that first year of eating solid foods, from 6 to 18 months, can actually be a great time to give children a range of foods to taste and try, and by offering repeated tastes, you may find that children expand their ranges. Small children vary tremendously in how they eat; some are voracious and omnivorous, and others are highly picky and can be very difficult to feed. Let her feed herself as soon as and as much as possible; by “playing” with her food she’ll learn about texture, taste and independence. Build in the social aspects of eating from the beginning, so that children grow up thinking of food in the context of family time, and watching other family members eat a variety of healthy foods, while talking and spending time together. Children should not be eating while looking at screens. Parents worry about picky eaters, and of course about children who eat too much and gain weight too fast; you want to help your child eat a variety of real foods, rather than processed snacks, to eat at mealtimes and snacktimes, rather than constant "grazing," or "sipping," and to eat to satisfy hunger, rather than experiencing food as either a reward or a punishment. Don’t cook special meals for a picky child, but don’t make a regular battlefield out of mealtime. Some tips to try Talk with small children about "eating the rainbow," and getting lots of different colors onto their plates orange squash, red peppers, yellow corn, green anything, and so on. Take them to the grocery store or the farmer's market and let them pick out something new they'd like to try. Let them help prepare food. Be open to deploying the foods they enjoy in new ways peanut butter on almost anything, tomato sauce on spinach. Some children will eat almost anything if it's in a dumpling, or on top of pasta. Offer tastes of what everyone else is eating. Find some reliable fallback alternatives when your child won’t eat anything that’s offered. Many restaurants will prepare something simple off the menu for a child, such as plain pasta or rice. Above all, encourage your child to keep tasting; don't rule anything out after just a couple of tries. And if you do have a child who loves one particular green vegetable, it's fine to have that one turn up over and over again. Bottom line As long as a child is growing, don’t agonize too much. Family meals matter to older children as well, even as they experience the biological shifts of adolescent growth. Keep that social context for food as much as you can, even through the scheduling complexities of middle school and high school. Keep the family table a no-screen zone, and keep on talking and eating together. Some families found that the pandemic meant more opportunities for family meals, which helped them through the hard times, but if the stresses of the recent past have pushed your family toward more snacking and more fast food, know that you are not alone. It will always help to re-set as a family, to stock healthy foods in the house, and to eat together and connect over food. More on Your Child's DietHow to DisciplineSmall children are essentially uncivilized, and part of the job of parenting inevitably involves a certain amount of correctional work. With toddlers, you need to be patient and consistent, which is another way of saying you will need to express and enforce the same rules over and over and over again. “Time outs” work very effectively with some children, and parents should watch for those moments when they the parents may need them as well. Seriously, take a breather when you are feeling as out of control as your child is acting. Many parents have been under extraordinary stress during the pandemic; be sure you are taking care of yourself, and get help if you need it. Distraction is another good technique; you don’t have to win a moral victory every time a small child misbehaves if you can redirect the behavior and avoid the battle. The overall disciplinary message to young children is the message that you don’t like the behavior, but you do love the child. Think praise rather than punishment. Physical discipline, like hitting and spanking, tends to produce aggressive behavior in children. Keep in mind that it’s always a parental win if you can structure a situation so that a child is earning privileges screentime, for example by good behavior, rather than losing them as a penalty. Search for positive behaviors to praise and reward, and young children will want to repeat the experience. But inevitably, parenthood involves a certain number of “bad cop” moments, when you have to say no or stop and your child will be angry at you — and that’s fine, it goes with the territory. Look in the mirror and practice saying what parents have always said “I’m your mother/father, I’m not your friend.” As parents, we should be trying to regulate our children’s behavior — or to help them regulate their own — and not trying to legislate their thoughts It is OK to dislike your brother or your classmate, but not to hit him. It is OK to feel angry or frustrated, as long as you behave properly. Our “civilizing” job as parents may be easier, in fact, if we acknowledge the strength of those difficult emotions, and celebrate the child who achieves control. And take advantage of the opportunity to demonstrate what you do when you have lost control or behaved badly Offer a sincere parental apology. It’s also worth recognizing that we have all been living through extraordinary times, and that a child who is, for example, angry or frustrated because activities have been canceled, or interrupted, should not feel bad about expressing those emotions. Even young children can understand that what’s “wrong” or “bad” is the pandemic – not the child’s on DisciplineWellGet essential news on health, fitness and nutrition, from Tara IssuesParenting in the Time of CovidThis is an anxious time to be a parent. You’re helping children navigate a pandemic world in which new information – sometimes scary, sometimes confusing – has to be absorbed and reacted to on a regular basis. You may be helping an anxious child handle fears about going out into the world, or trying to enforce safety protocols with a child who is just eager to declare the pandemic “over.” You may be dealing with economic pressures, with worries over vulnerable family members, or with grief for people who have been lost. And many of the everyday decisions of parenthood have become more heavily weighted and more frightening. It can’t be said too often understand that you are living – and parenting – through very difficult times, and as far as possible, take care of yourself. If you are anxious, if you are depressed, if you are angry, think about the coping strategies that help you, and look for additional help if you need it, from your partner, if you have one, from close friends and family, from your spiritual community, from your doctor, from a mental health professional. Understand that parents have faced a difficult – and at times impossible – set of “assignments,” and that they have in large part responded with everyday heroism in taking care of their children. But they need to care of themselves as can take steps to help your children manage both bullying and conflict — and you're at your most useful when you know which of the two you’re trying to address. Children who are being bullied are on the receiving end of mistreatment, and are helpless to defend themselves, whereas children in conflict are having a hard time getting along. Fortunately, most of the friction that happens among children is in the realm of conflict —an inevitable, if unpleasant, consequence of being with others — not bullying. If children are being bullied, it’s important to reassure them that they deserve support, and that they should alert an adult to what’s happening. Further, you can remind your children that they cannot passively stand by if another child is being bullied. Regardless of how your own child might feel about the one being targeted, you can set the expectation that he or she will do at least one of three things confront the bully, keep company with the victim, alert an adult. When the issue is conflict, you should aim to help young people handle it well by learning to stand up for themselves without stepping on anyone else. To do this, you can model assertion, not aggression, in the inevitable disagreements that arise in family life, and coach your children to do the same as they learn how to address garden-variety disputes with their About GenderMoralityAll parents have in common the wish to raise children who are good people. You surely care about how your child will treat others, and how he or she will act in the world. In some households, regular participation in a religious institution sets aside time for the family to reflect on its values and lets parents convey to their children that those beliefs are held by members of a broad community that extends beyond their home. Even in the absence of strong spiritual beliefs, the celebration of religious holidays can act as a key thread in the fabric of family life. Though it is universally true that children benefit when their parents provide both structure and warmth, even the most diligent parents can struggle to achieve both of these on a regular basis. The rituals and traditions that are part of many religious traditions can bring families together in reliable and memorable ways. Of course, there are everyday opportunities to instill your values in your child outside of organized religion, including helping an elderly neighbor or taking your children with you to volunteer for causes that are important to you. Above all, however, children learn your values by watching how you live. More on Morality and ChildrenAcademic PressureWhen it comes to school, parents walk a difficult line You want your children to strive and succeed, but you don’t want to push them in ways that are unfair, or cause needless stress. At every age and skill level, children benefit when parents help them focus on improving their abilities, rather than on proving them. In other words, children should understand that their intellectual endowment only gets them started, and that their capabilities can be increased with effort. Many children struggled during the course of the pandemic, faced with learning in ways that were harder for them than regular school – this may be especially true for children with learning differences and special needs, but it applies across the board. As they return to in-person schooling, children need time to catch up, and they need to feel comfortable asking for that time, or for extra help – so they need to hear the message that what matters is the learning and understanding that they gain, not some rigid schedule that they may have fallen behind. Children who adopt this growth mindset – the psychological terminology for the belief that industry is the path to mastery – are less stressed than peers who believe their capacities are fixed, and outperform them academically. Students with a growth mindset welcome feedback, are motivated by difficult work, and are inspired by the achievements of their talented classmates. To raise growth-mindset thinkers you can make a point of celebrating effort, not smarts, as children navigate school. This may be more important than ever as schools reopen and children return following their different experiences with remote or hybrid education. When they succeed, say, “Your hard work and persistence really paid off. Well done!” And when they struggle, say, “That test grade reflects what you knew about the material being tested on the day you took the test. It does not tell us how far you can go in that subject. Stick with it and keep asking questions. It will come.” Parents should step in when students face academic challenges that cause constant or undue stress. Some students hold themselves, or are held by adults, to unrealistic standards. Others missed a step along the way, had a hard time during the pandemic, study ineffectively or are grappling with an undiagnosed learning difference. Parents should be in touch with teachers about how things are going. Determining the nature of the problem will point the way to the most helpful on Children and School PressureTechnologyHere’s how to raise a child with a healthy attitude toward shiny screens and flashing TimeYou could try to raise a screen-free child, but let’s be honest, you’re reading this on a screen. As in everything else, the challenge is in balancing the ideal and the real in a way that’s right for your family. The pandemic upended many families’ rules and practices, as everything from visits with grandma from teenage social networks to math class started to happen on screens. And some aspects of those experiences may help you think about positive screen-related experiences you want to build into your children’s lives going forward regular dates for watching a movie as a family, reading a book on an iPad, FaceTiming with out-of-town relatives. Technology plays such an important role in children’s lives now that when we talk about it, we’re talking about everything from sleep to study to social life. “Technology is just a tool and it can be an extremely enriching part of kids’ lives,” said Scott Steinberg, co-author of “The Modern Parent’s Guide to Facebook and Social Networks.” “A lot of what we’re teaching about parenting around technology is just basic parenting,” he said. “It comes down to the Golden Rule Are they treating others in a respectful and empathetic manner?” Phones and social media give older kids opportunities to reckon with responsibilities they haven’t had before, such as being sent, or asked to share, an inappropriate image, said Ana Homayoun, author of the book “Social Media Wellness Helping Teens and Tweens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World.” Parents need to keep talking about this side of life with their children so they don’t leave their kids to navigate it alone. And then there’s the question of protecting family time. Mr. Steinberg advises setting household rules that govern when devices may be used, and have clear, age-appropriate policies so kids know what they can and can’t do. Some of these policies will be appropriate for all ages, including parents, such as No phones at the dinner table. No screens for an hour before bedtime. It’s important to practice what you preach. And if your family needs to re-set some of these rules as children return to the classroom, you can talk it through with your children, explaining why it matters to use devices well, but set some limits. And in addition to taking time for family meals and family conversations, parents should be taking the time to sit down with young children and look at what they’re doing online, rather than leaving them alone with their devices as babysitters. Parents as Digital Role ModelsWhen a parent wants to post on social media about something a child did that may embarrass the child, Ms. Homayoun said, it’s worth stepping back to consider why. Are you posting it to draw attention to yourself? You should respect your child’s privacy as much as you respect the privacy of friends, family members and colleagues. As cute as it may seem to post pictures of a naked toddler, consider a "no butts" policy. That may not be the image that your child wants to portray 15 years from now. “We need to, from a very early age, teach kids what consent looks like,” Ms. Homayoun said. “It doesn’t begin when a kid is 15, 16 or 17. It begins when a kid is 3 and he doesn’t want to go hug his uncle.” Or when he doesn’t want you to post that video of him crying over a lost toy. Our children will create digital footprints as they grow, and it will be one of our jobs to help them, guide them and get them to think about how something might look a few years down the line — you can start by respecting their privacy and applying the same standards throughout their lives. Tech ToysIt’s easy to dismiss high-tech toys as just pricey bells and whistles, but if you choose more enriching options, you can find toys that help kids grow. For young children, though, there’s a great deal to be said for allowing them, as much as possible, to explore the nondigital versions of blocks, puzzles, fingerpaints and all the rest of the toys that offer tactile and fine motor experiences. As children get older, some high-tech games encourage thinking dynamically, problem solving and creative expression. “These high-tech games can be an opportunity to bond with your kids. Learn more about how they think and their interests,” Mr. Steinberg said. Some games encourage kids to be part of a team, or lead one. And others let them be wilder than they might be in real life – in ways that parents can appreciate “You can’t always throw globs of paint around the house but you can in the digital world,” he Right Age for a Phone?“Many experts would say it’s about 13, but the more practical answer is when they need one when they’re outside your direct supervision,” Mr. Steinberg said. Ms. Homayoun recommends them for specific contexts, such as for a child who may be traveling between two houses and navigating late sports practices. Consider giving tiered access to technology, such as starting with a flip phone, and remind children that privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand. A child’s expanding access to personal technology should depend on its appropriate use. To put these ideas into practical form, the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidelines for creating a personalized family media use on Technology and KidsTime ManagementBalance both your schedule and your child’s with a reasonable approach to time. OverschedulingAs the world opens up, children whose lives had been more circumscribed will have the chance not only to return to school, but also to get back to sports, lessons and extracurricular activities. At the same time, pandemic protocols can make all of this even more complicated, for kids and for parents. We all know the cliché of the overscheduled child, rushing from athletic activity to music lessons to tutoring, and there will probably be moments when you will feel like that parent, with a carload of equipment and a schedule so complicated that you wake up in the middle of the night worrying you’re going to lose track. But it’s also a joy and a pleasure to watch children discover the activities they really enjoy, and it’s one of the privileges of parenthood to cheer your children on as their skills improve. Some children really do thrive on what would be, for others, extreme overscheduling. But the complexities of managing social contacts in a time of Covid protocols make it even more important to set priorities so that a child gets to do whichever activities really matter to that particular kid. Know your child, talk to your child, and when necessary, help your child negotiate the decisions that make it possible to keep doing the things that mean the most, even if that means letting go of some other activities. Remember, children can get a tremendous amount of pleasure, and also great value, from learning music, from playing sports, and also from participating in the array of extracurricular activities that many schools offer. However, they also need a certain amount of unscheduled time. The exact mix varies from child to child, and even from year to year. On the one hand, we need to help our children understand the importance of keeping the commitments they make — you don’t get to give up playing your instrument because you’re struggling to learn a hard piece; you don’t quit the team because you’re not one of the starters — and on the other, we need to help them decide when it’s time to change direction or just plain let something go. So how do you know how much is too much? Rethink the schedule if Your child isn’t getting enough sleep. Your child doesn’t have enough time to get schoolwork done. Your child can’t squeeze in silly time with friends, or even a little downtime to kick around with family. And make sure that high school students get a positive message about choosing the activities that they love, rather than an anxiety-producing message about choosing some perfect mix to impress college admissions officers. The point of scheduling is to help us fit in the things we need to do and also the things we love to do; overscheduling means that we’re not in shape to do either. Taking Care of YourselfBeing a parent is the job of your life, the job of your heart, and the job that transforms you forever. But as we do it, we need to keep hold of the passions and pastimes that make us who we are, and which helped bring us to the place in our lives where we were ready to have children. We owe our children attention — and nowadays it’s probably worth reminding ourselves that paying real attention to our children means limiting our own screentime and making sure that we’re talking and reading aloud and playing. But we owe ourselves attention as well, and this has been an extraordinarily stressful and anxious time for many parents. Your children will absolutely remember the time that you spent with them, and that has special meaning for many families after the ways the lockdowns and isolation months of the recent past — but you also want them to grow up noticing the way you maintain friendships of your own, the way you put time and energy into the things that matter most to you, from your work to your physical well-being to the special interests and passions that make you the person they know. They will see how you hold on to what matters most, and how you make sure to do it safely – the same imperatives you’re trying to get them to incorporate in their own lives. Whether you’re taking time to paint or dance, or to knit with friends, or to try to save the world, you are acting and living your values and your loves, and those are messages that you owe to your children. You may not be able to pursue any of your passions in quite the same way and to quite the same extent that you might have before you had a child — and before every social interaction carried a Covid question. You may have to negotiate the time, hour by hour, acknowledging what is most important, and trading it, perhaps, for what is most important to your partner, if you have one. You’ll be, by definition, a different painter, as you would be a different runner, a different dancer, a different friend and a different world-saver. But you may well come to realize that the experience of taking care of a small child helps you concentrate in a stronger, almost fiercer way, when you get that precious hour to to Find BalanceAs children return to in-person learning, the distinction between schoolwork and homework will become an issue for some. Lots of parents worry that their children get an unreasonable amount of homework, and that homework can start unreasonably young. While it may be easy to advise that homework can help a child learn time management and study habits, and to let children try themselves and sometimes fail, the reality is that many of us find ourselves supervising at least a little, and parents who have been supervising remote learning may find it harder to pull back and let the child work. This is another reason to be in touch with your child’s teacher, and aware of how things are going in school. You should speak up if it seems that one particular teacher isn’t following the school’s guidelines for appropriate amounts of homework. And for many children, it’s helpful to talk through the stages of big projects and important assignments, so they can get some intermediate dates on the calendar. If the homework struggle dominates your home life, it may be a sign of another issue, like a learning disability. For many families nowadays, the single biggest negotiation about time management is around screen time, and of course, screen time has now become part of schoolwork for many children. Screen time can be homework time but is the chatting that goes on in a corner really part of the assignment? or social time or pure entertainment time. Bottom line As long as a child is doing decently in school, you probably shouldn’t worry too much about whether, by your standards, the homework looks like it is being done with too many distractions. And remember, some family responsibilities can help anchor a child to the nonvirtual world a dog to be walked or trash to be taken out. And when it comes to fun, let your child see that you value the non-homework part of the evening, or the weekend, that you understand that time with friends is important, and that you want to be kept up to date on what’s going on, and to talk about your own life. Ultimately, we have to practice what we preach, from putting down our own work to enjoy unstructured family time to putting down our phones at the dinner table to engage in a family discussion. Our children are listening to what we say, and watching what we do. When parents are so busy with their children’s lives, they don’t have any time for themselves and may be doing more harm than Boyle is exhausted. Living in Chattanooga, Tennessee, she’s mom to a 3-year-old whose weekly schedule includes occupational therapy, speech therapy, physical therapy, aquatic therapy, swim classes three days a week, ballet, gymnastics, cooking, and soccer. “Then there’s the constant mental work,” she told Healthline. “What did she eat today? Has she had enough protein? How many vegetables? Does she have clean clothes and gear for activities? Has she napped? How many books did we read today? Did she have too much screen time?”With so much going on, it’s no wonder Boyle is feeling overwhelmed by parenthood. And she’s not alone. According to a recent New York Times article, “Parenthood in the United States has become much more demanding than it used to be.”The pressure is certainly on, with parents being more involved than ever before. There are more activities to attend, more expensive opportunities to take advantage of, and more outside judgment of parents who don’t seem to be doing it all. The Times piece cites several reasons for this shift. From the ever-increasing gap between rich and poor and parents wanting to ensure their children are on the right side of that gap to the input from experts constantly suggesting parents do more, the article essentially concludes we’re asking too much of modern parents — and they’re suffering as a result. Responses from parents online have been swift, with many chiming in to share their own experiences — both good and bad. But is “the relentlessness of modern parenting,” which one expert quoted in the Times piece describes as “child-centered, expert-guided, emotionally absorbing, labor intensive and financially expensive,” really what’s best for kids?Dr. Steph Lee is a pediatrician specializing in preventive medicine and a spokesperson for the American Academy of Pediatrics AAP. She told Healthline, “I think some of it could be beneficial and some of it maybe not so much. Should you consider your child and make time for them? Absolutely. But should you neglect your own well-being? Absolutely not. Parents are better parents when they take into consideration their own needs.”However, plenty of parents seem to be neglecting that needed time spent on themselves. And mothers, especially, seem to be sacrificing their needs for the needs of their families. According to 2015 Pew Research data, 53 percent of mothers said they don’t have enough time or any time at all for friends and not hard to see why, when 73 percent said their children participated in athletic activities in the last year, 60 percent said their children participated in religious instruction or youth groups, and 54 percent said their children took lessons in music, dance, or art. Meanwhile, the majority of parents across all income levels said good, affordable child care was hard to find. What’s more, 67 percent of mothers said they had participated in PTA or other school meetings, while 63 percent had volunteered with special projects, activities, or class trips. Despite all that, half of full-time working moms reported wishing they were able to be more involved in their children’s education. “Before the advent of the internet, I feel like parenting was basically keep the kid alive, show up to parent-teacher conferences, and maybe a recital,” Boyle explained when describing her own relentless experience of motherhood. “Now there’s so much information out there about what all we could be doing and how we could be doing better or more for our kids,” she to relationship and parenting expert Dr. Wendy Walsh, the issue isn’t that modern parenting is now asking too much of parents. It’s that society as a whole isn’t supporting families in doing what’s best for kids. “Parents are now having to compensate for the fact that our society and culture aren’t helping the way they used to, so parents will fail at every turn because they’ll never be able to do it all,” she United States has fallen behind other developed nations when it comes to supporting families. It’s the only country that fails to guarantee any paid parental leave. It also has the second-highest cost of child care, while healthcare spending in the country is double that of other nations but with worse outcomes. Then there’s the fact that the structure of American families is simply changing. There are more single-parent homes, families are having fewer children resulting in less help from older siblings in raising younger siblings, and extended family support isn’t always available. There are also now more women in the workforce than ever before, but according to the Times piece, those women are still spending “just as much time tending to their children as stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s.”According to Dr. Walsh, “The problem isn’t women leaving the household. The problem is twofold men not entering the household and society not catching up to start taking over.”Share on PinterestKids do benefit from the direction parenthood is heading today, but society needs to step up its support. Getty ImagesBut Walsh doesn’t think the pressure needs to be as great as many make it. She mentions Donald Winnicott, an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst, who focused on the idea of being a “good enough” parent.“Kids grow in our gaps,” Walsh explained. “They grow when we forget to pack their lunch or are a little late picking them up from school. A parent that is hovering is not good for kids, nor is a parent who is neglectful. Most of us who are trying end up being just good enough anyway.”She believes kids benefit from the direction parenthood has headed today, but she wants to see society step up its support. “It’s not that we’re telling parents to do it wrong, it’s that we’re not helping them to do it right. We need to stop blaming the parents. They’re just struggling in a system that’s already established and in modern communities where the deck is already stacked against them.”Dr. Lee suggests talking to your child’s doctor if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the demands of modern parenting or the latest recommendations being made by experts. “The recommendations of the AAP should always be viewed as guidelines,” she told Healthline. “If your mental health or well-being is suffering because you’re trying so hard to adhere to these guidelines, that’s not what we intend. There are tools and strategies your child’s doctor can discuss with you for doing the best you can without adding more unnecessary stress.” Boyle admits she wouldn’t necessarily change anything about the way she parents. Where the Times piece states parents today spend an average of five hours a week actively engaging with their children compared to the one hour and 45 minutes a week parents in the ’70s apparently spent, she said, “That just seems so sad. I worked hard to have this child, why wouldn’t I want to spend time with her? In a perfect world, I’d spend an hour and 45 minutes just reading and playing with her every day.”Boyle says she doesn’t mind the activities, mostly because her daughter loves them. And she loves her daughter. Still, “Sometimes, I just need a break,” she said. “I just want to sit on the couch and turn my brain off for a little while. Or have an adult conversation. Or pee alone.”They’re not unreasonable requests. But if the relentlessness of modern parenting doesn’t allow for that time, perhaps modern moms and dads need to reevaluate their approach to parenting. Surgeon General Social media presents "profound risk" for kids 0607 - Source CNN Editor’s Note Click here to learn how Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy describes his own relationship to social media and what his wife said to him to make him change his ways. CNN — As a father of three teenage girls, one of my biggest parenting challenges has been navigating smartphones and social media. There has been almost no precedent for this, as our girls were born just as these new technologies were taking hold. My wife and I would often have long conversations late into the night discussing what we thought was the best approach. Even though our kids are just a few years apart in age, we found that our tolerance of social media had already shifted between our oldest and our youngest, as the technology was changing so quickly. The truth is, we weren’t ever sure we had done the best job we could. So when US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy came out with his advisory about social media and the mental health of this country’s youth a couple of weeks ago, I was interested to see what the approach would be. After all, we are used to hearing the surgeon general sound warnings about cigarettes and opioids. Would smartphones and social media be given that same level of dire warning? The short answer Yes. The report highlights that we don’t really have evidence of safety around these technologies but acknowledges that there is tremendous utility and need for them, as well. I often think about social media less like tobacco and more like junk food. Unlike tobacco, we need food to survive, so we can’t cut it out altogether. But there is no doubt we can pick healthy food or junk food, and indulge in too much of it. The more I read the report, which runs about 20 pages, the more I felt a sense of unity and relief around a topic many of us – young and old, but maybe especially teens and their parents – have to deal with the increasing amount of time we spend on our smartphones, often doing the digital equivalent of gorging on junk food. As a parent, I found it refreshing to have someone – the person appointed by the President to be the nation’s doctor, no less – finally weigh in on what I and many others have been thinking and feeling Something is not right, and the growing concerns are not being adequately addressed. The advisory confirmed that “increasingly, evidence is indicating there is reason to be concerned about the risk of harm social media use poses to children and Murthy’s advisory lays bare some raw truths Social media has not been proved safe, and in some cases, it can be harmful to our kids by exposing them to sexual, violent and hate-based content, as well as content that perpetuates body dissatisfaction or allows bullying. And parents – like him and like me – have been left bearing the sole responsibility for keeping kids safe, with too little support and too few tools to manage the complex situation. Particularly bewildering to me have been the algorithms that allow kids to be exposed to such damaging content in the first place and the lack of control over both the type and the amount of content our kids are absorbing. A 2022 survey of American teenagers from the Pew Research Center found that 95% of teens have access to a smartphone, and nearly half of teens 46% say they use the internet “almost constantly” – all of which adds up to a lot of time spent and content consumed on YouTube, TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat. For those of you who listen to the “Chasing Life” podcast, you’ll know we devoted last season entirely to this very important topic, trying to peel back some of the layers surrounding our dependence on our devices. I spent a lot of time having thorough conversations with my own girls about the topic, and it was illuminating for all of us. The surgeon general told me he was touched by those conversations, and it was one of the reasons he wanted to join me on the podcast this week, which we turned into a special episode of “Chasing Tune in to hear more about how the Murthy family handles social media at home with their 5- and 6-year-olds, who know more about it than their father realized. “This technology is already being used by 95% of kids, right. And I don’t think that it’s realistic to put the genie back in the bottle here or to say somehow, nobody should be using social media. That’s not the goal here,” Murthy said. The goal, he said, is to figure out how we can make this safer and enable more kids to have the kind of experience that my own daughters have had, which they say have been mostly positive and helpful. “Our kids have one childhood, and they don’t get to repeat it again. And so we’ve got to do everything we can with full urgency to make sure that these priorities are places where we take quick action,” he said. Murthy recommends that parents take three steps to start helping their kids maximize the benefits and minimize the harms, especially if they are already on social media. Have the conversation. “Start the conversation with your child about social media so you can learn how they use it, how they feel when they use it. And you can also help them understand what’s a safe and unsafe interaction or engagement on social media. We want our kids to know if they’re being harassed or bullied, especially by strangers, that they should reach out for help,” Murthy said. Establish tech-free zones. “We know that for our kids, especially in adolescence, that sleep is critical for them, physical activity is essential, and in-person interaction is vital. So creating tech-free zones around those activities – for example, having an hour before sleep and throughout the night when your kids can’t use their devices, making dinner time or mealtimes tech-free zones – that can also help those kinds of boundaries,” he said. Partner with other parents. “That can actually make it a bit easier to make some of these changes and to also troubleshoot when we’re having a hard time. It can also help our kids too, because if we are putting certain limitations or boundaries in place and we’re doing that collectively, with other parents, then our kids know that they’re not the only kids out there who are being limited in their use of social media,” he said. I know I hear that a lot from my kids – “but every other kid gets to do this” – and as Murthy pointed out, it’s hard as a parent to hear that, because you don’t want your kid left out or isolated. But I am also reassured because my eldest daughter told me, in retrospect, that my wife and I probably should have kept her off social media a little bit longer. And while that was hard to hear, it also let me know that she, and her sisters, are aware of social media’s potential pitfalls. Murthy has one last piece of advice for parents. “I just want all parents out there to know that this is an incredibly difficult issue to manage for your kids. And if you’re struggling, if you’re having a hard time, if you have days where you feel like you made the wrong decision for your kid, please don’t beat yourself up over that, and know that a lot of parents are in the same boat. They’re dealing with this new, evolving technology that a lot of people still don’t fully grasp or understand. And so just don’t be too hard on yourself,” he said. And that’s a message we can all take to heart. The fact is, the deck is stacked against us, with apps specifically designed to keep us on them longer and longer. And we as parents can’t be expected to change everything by ourselves. To that end, Murthy’s advisory also has plenty of recommendations for what social media companies can do to make their apps and platforms safer such as time limits and an end to infinite scrolling and the role researchers and others can play in getting more basic data about safety such as which kids are is at higher risk of harm. Murthy’s advisory, which goes further than statements from other medical organizations, is a rallying cry, if you will, for society – researchers, legislators, Big Tech, parents – to stop collectively ignoring the problem and start acting now to address it. Parenting is filled with hard decisions and conversations. This is one you can start now to help shape the future you want for your children. By laying out the issues facing many parents today, the surgeon general’s report gives us a roadmap for a way forward. Not sure how to start a conversation with your kids about internet and social media use? Here’s a list of conversation prompts that might help. Walk me through how you typically use your phone in a day. Are you on as soon as you wake up? During class? Just before falling asleep? How much time do you estimate you spend on your phone on an average day? Do you feel that’s too much, not enough or just the right amount of time? Which apps, games or platforms are your favorite, and why do you like them? When you get on your favorite, what do you hope to get out of it? Do you feel you have a healthy relationship with technology and social media? What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Do you feel you have fair and clear boundaries for screen time? Are those limits something you can stick to? Do you want to see some changes to the rules? Has there ever been a time when technology got in the way of doing an activity you wanted to do? Do you ever feel like there’s pressure from friends or people at school to be on your phone? Are there some people you know who don’t use technology in the best ways? Is there anything about technology or social media you’re worried about? Have you ever tried to reduce your screen time?  What made you feel that way? What did you do and did this work? Are you hopeful for your future?  Why or why not? CNN’s Andrea Kane contributed to this report. March 11, 2021Stanford-led study highlights the importance of letting kids take the lead Research led by Stanford education professor Jelena Obradović finds that too much parental involvement when children are focused on an activity can undermine behavioral development. Parents today often look for teachable moments – and opportunities abound. When reading a book with a child, for example, it might mean discussing story plots with him. If she isn’t allowed to play a videogame, it means explaining why. Jelena Obradović Image credit Courtesy Graduate School of Education There’s good reason for this Research has shown that engaged parenting helps children build cognitive and emotional skills. Too much parental direction, however, can sometimes be counterproductive, according to a new study led by Jelena Obradović, an associate professor at Stanford Graduate School of Education, published March 11 in the Journal of Family Psychology. In the study, the researchers observed parents’ behavior when kindergarten-age children were actively engaged in playing, cleaning up toys, learning a new game and discussing a problem. The children of parents who more often stepped in to provide instructions, corrections or suggestions or to ask questions – despite the children being appropriately on task – displayed more difficulty regulating their behavior and emotions at other times. These children also performed worse on tasks that measured delayed gratification and other executive functions, skills associated with impulse control and the ability to shift between competing demands for their attention. Obradović and her co-authors found that the phenomenon occurs across the socioeconomic spectrum. “Parents have been conditioned to find ways to involve themselves, even when kids are on task and actively playing or doing what they’ve been asked to do,” said Obradović, who also directs the Stanford Project on Adaptation and Resilience in Kids SPARK. “But too much direct engagement can come at a cost to kids’ abilities to control their own attention, behavior and emotions. When parents let kids take the lead in their interactions, children practice self-regulation skills and build independence.” Obradović’s research, which introduces a far more granular measure of parental engagement than traditional methods, shines new light on how parents help and hinder their children’s development during the pivotal transition to elementary school. It also comes as today’s parents, increasingly derided as “helicopter” and “snowplow” caregivers, are spending more time with their kids than their own mothers and fathers did – even before the COVID-19 pandemic turned many parents into primary playmates and homeschoolers. A deeper dive into parent-child interactions Finding the right balance when engaging with children is especially important around kindergarten, said Obradović, whose research examines how caregiving environments contribute to child health, learning and well-being over time. The onset of elementary school is an especially challenging time when kids are expected to manage their attention, emotions and behaviors without parents’ direct help. “This is a really important shift, when parents have to learn to pull back,” she said. For their research, Obradović and her co-authors – Michael Sulik, a research scientist at SPARK, and Anne Shaffer, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Georgia – brought together a diverse group of 102 children ages 4 to 6 and their primary caregivers in a Stanford lab. For two and a half hours, the kids worked on a series of tasks that have been used by child development specialists for decades to measure self-regulation, as well as executive functions deemed either “cool” when emotions don’t matter or “hot” when emotions are high. The children also participated with their parents in structured activities requiring different degrees of adult interaction. In a novel approach, the scholars had each parent and child observed separately. Using video recordings, the interactions were broken down second by second and evaluated independently. This allowed Obradović and her team to identify subtle shifts in how parents engage with their children. During a 25-minute activity, for example, a mother might follow her son’s lead for 13 seconds, then withdraw for 5 seconds, then direct him for 35 seconds. Typically, when researchers study a given aspect of parenting, they assign a single rating for the entire interaction. But that approach can be biased by the researcher’s overall impression of the parent-child relationship. Most caregivers seem supportive and caring, said Obradović. “On average, you don’t see a lot of parents yelling at their kids or being intrusive or checking their phones,” she said. “But there is a lot of variability within those averages, and our goal was to discover more subtle differences among parents who are generally doing fine.” These moment-by-moment shifts in parental engagement matter. “These are subtle things, but the message that children are getting may not be so subtle,” Obradović said. Permission to take a break For their analysis, Obradović and her collaborators created a measure of what they call “parental over-engagement.” They noted the moments when a child was working independently or leading an activity, and they calculated the ratio between times when parents intervened in ways that were meant to be helpful not harsh or manipulative and times when parents followed the child’s lead. The researchers found a correlation between high levels of parent involvement when a child is focused on a task and children’s difficulties with self-regulation and other behaviors. This was most apparent for children’s “hot” executive functions. When a child was passively engaged, the researchers didn’t find any link between parental over-engagement and children’s self-regulation. According to Obradović, this suggests that there is no harm in parents stepping in when children are not actively on task. Obradović said the point of the study is not to criticize parents. “When we talk about parental over-engagement, we’re not saying it’s bad or obviously intrusive engagement,” she said. “There’s nothing wrong with suggesting ideas or giving tips to children.” But it’s important for parents to be aware that teachable moments have their place, she said. Helping a preschooler to complete a puzzle, for example, has been shown to support cognitive development and build independence. And guidance is important when children are not paying attention, violating rules or only half-heartedly engaging in an activity. Sometimes, however, kids just need to be left alone or allowed to be in charge. This message may be especially relevant during the pandemic, Obradović noted, when parents may wonder how much direct involvement their children need, especially with everybody balancing new obligations. “Have that honest conversation with yourself, especially if your kid is doing OK,” she said. “As stressful as this time is, try to find opportunities to let them take the lead.” Seventy-three percent of American kids would like more opportunities to bond with their families, according to a new poll. They also said they considered their family life to be very close—even much closer than relationships they had with friends. But the survey of 2,000 school-aged children aged 6 to 17 found that they are not alone 70% of parents would also like more chances to spend quality time together. Luckily, moms and dads searching for inspiration don’t have to look far, as the survey pinpointed the top activities children want to do more often with their folks. Commissioned by Red Robin and conducted by OnePoll, the results revealed that spending a day at the beach, playing sports in the yard and taking a day trip to a museum or amusement park were the top desired activities. Other simple pleasures listed were playing board games or card games together and going out to dinner or a movie. WATCH Dad Chatting’ With Infant Son About TV May Be the Most Darling Thing on the Internet Today For parents looking to make the most of the rest of their summer, other activities on the list were creating arts and crafts, hiking in the woods and cooking meals as a family. TOP 20 ACTIVITIES KIDS MOST WANT TO DO WITH THEIR PARENTS 1. Go to the beach 2. Exercise 3. Play sports 4. Go to the pool 5. Go to the movies 6. Play at a park 7. Camp 8. Take a day trip zoo, museum, amusement park, etc. 9. Play video games 10. Go shopping 11. Go out to dinner together 12. Hike 13. Go to an event sporting event, concert, etc. 14. Spend time together in the car driving to school, appointments, extracurriculars, etc. 15. Watch movies at home 16. Make a meal together 17. Eat meals together at home 18. Play board games/card games 19. Create arts and crafts 20. Have them help with homework When it comes to connecting around the dinner table, kids say they’d have more fun with their family if they were allowed to decide the order of the meal, dessert first 59%, could order for the entire family 52% or if they were the only ones allowed to ask questions at the table 32%. The majority of children surveyed consider their family to be close 90%, with more than half 56% specifying a “very close” bond—and even though 34% of children don’t think their parents understand what it’s like to be a kid today, it doesn’t affect the strength of their family connections. Surprisingly, even when asked about their friendships, children were more likely to feel connected to their family than their peers 49% vs. 14%. WATCH Proud Dad Mic’d His 4-Year-Old Playing Hockey and the Results Are Comedy GOAL! Most of the activities on the parents’ wish-lists matched with what their kids wanted to do, so implementing more family time should be fairly easy. TOP 10 ACTIVITIES PARENTS LIKE TO DO WITH THEIR CHILDREN 1. Eat meals together at home 2. Help their children with homework/schoolwork 3. Watch movies at home 4. Bath time/getting ready for bed 5. Make a meal together 6. Read bedtime stories 7. Go out to dinner together 8. Go shopping 9. Play video games 10. Driving their children around to/from school, appointments, etc. While parents enjoy activities like hiking, helping with homework, and playing games, it all comes down to “anything where their children are enjoying themselves and laughing.” Do Your Friends Agree? Share The Survey On Social Media…

parents today want their